Living with Courage, Strength and Mental Illness.

 

Author: Elizabeth B.

Mental illnesses can cause seemingly fortunate individuals to leave everyone and everything they love. They can cause erratic behavior and addiction issues. These illnesses may seem inexplicable to someone who has never experienced the devastation your mind can unleash with a mental illness.

Spirit of Mental Health works to help people see mental illness for what it really is - a disease that requires patients to develop the qualities of courage, strength, willpower, and resilience. For many people with mental illnesses, battles for survival are part of everyday life. I am one of those people. And I am a champion who has emerged victorious from my mind's deadly war of attrition.

This Is My Story

The first time I can remember considering death a better option than life, I was twelve or thirteen. And like most kids, I was unwilling to tell my family about this thought. They disliked me quite enough without my input. I was lonely and angry, and by high school, I felt exhausted by the act of survival.

I drank and used drugs. When I got sober in my twenties, the desire to die returned, stronger than before. I collected mental illness diagnoses over the years - bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. I defined myself by these diagnoses.

I Believed I Was Faulty

Over time, my belief that I was intrinsically faulty became hardened. I grew more and more frightened and angry. For years I held my anger inside, afraid that letting it out would set loose destruction.

I don't know how many times I overdosed, but more than a few. On June 14, 2010, I died. Only for a moment, but long enough to find a new quality.

When I awoke, I felt the tiniest bit of hope.

Learning to Live and Thrive

This newfound spark of hope became my constant companion. It carried me through the months of withdrawal. It carried me through the years it took to learn to like myself, and then to love myself.

In the past ten years, I have transformed from a desperate suicidal individual to someone who cherishes and treasures every moment of this often challenging life. I do what I love the most - I write. I tell my story, even though it is difficult because somebody somewhere needs to know there is hope.

I Know Now Who I Am

People with mental illnesses are some of the most courageous and strongest people in the world. When we are struggling to make it through a day at school or work, we may not seem like the bravest people you know. We look a lot like anyone else.

To the world, I look like a mother and a wife. But I know the lion and the gorilla inside me. I know the hummingbird and the eagle, the bear and the tiger. I am all of these animals, brave and strong and resilient, determined to overcome those diagnoses that threatened to destroy my life and my talents.